full-time job

there are appointments to make
and drivers to find

there's remembering not to eat or drink after midnight
next tuesday

there's collecting your urine for 24 hours
and handing it off to someone who takes it
with a gloved hand and a smile

there's remembering what meds you're on
and making the spreadsheet to keep track of them all
and remembering to take them each the right way

there's consenting to having bits of yourself taken and tested
blood, tissue, marrow

there's the rash
the infected port
the swollen joint
the peeling palms
the mouth sores
the immobilizing nausea
the weakness
the 'cannot peel your own face off the pillow' fatigue
the absent libido
the hiccups for 3 days straight
the sadness

there's being your own advocate
the googling, the questioning, the reading

there is the energy expended in hoping for the best
and preparing for the worst

there's the waiting
for your bloodwork results
for the surgeon to round
for the doctor to call
for the scan to be read
for the healing to begin

there's figuring out how to answer the question
'so, how are you?'