i won't ever forget the family from the Congo
who moved their patriarch's head of the bed away from the wall so they could surround him.
who put on an impromptu display of voice and rhythm that pretty much shattered the myth of white supremacy in the first two notes.
they sang and drummed on various surfaces and kissed his head.
they laughed and cried and hugged each other and arranged his blankets.
they prayed and sang some more and pressed a worn olive wood cross into his palm.
i soaked it all in, all the while watching his chest rise and fall until it didn't anymore.
they laced arms over shoulders forming a tight huddle around the bed crying and praying and thanking God for his safe passage.
the intern arrived and greeted the family, moving to the bedside to listen for heart sounds. one of the brothers looked at me and smiled - the absurdity of hospital procedure never being more evident.
'time of death 3:45', he said with a solemn nod.
i think he learned that from t.v.
and anyway, i beg to differ. i just witnessed the beginning of something - i'm not sure what - i just know it wasn't an ending.
it was a celebration of life and family and love and of death, unlike any i have seen since.
i want those people there when i die.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
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11 comments:
May we all pass so peacefully.
Your posts are always so achingly beautiful. Thank you.
One of the many reasons I love being a hospice nurse. Chas
Me too. XO
You are amazing. Thank you.
Great post! I am an oncology nurse also (retired) and have a website called Being Cancer Network at www.beingcancer.net. Weekly I publish one or two Guest Posts. I am planning on republishing this post on Wednesday 24. I will include two links to your site as well as a link to the original post. You should see an increase in traffic. Please continue your great writing and advocacy work.
Take care, Dennis
Wow. I'm glad to have found this blog. What a moving post.
I am a peds onc nurse turned cancer patient myself (at 29 no less). Your writing is wonderful. Captures the poignancy - pointedness - fluidity of our "living" with patients, caring for them. Thanks for your words - I'll be back to read often.
Thank you for sharing that. Made my afternoon.
I am an NP. It reminded me of a patient (family planning) that I met with once. She had been brought to the exam room, given a gown, & I guess asked to undress. I knocked and entered; she was standing in the middle of the room totally naked, she turned to face me, so comfortable in her skin, feet planted slightly wide on the vinyl floor that should have been dirt or sand. And I smiled at her and asked "You're not from NY, are you?" A recent African immigrant; I explained that we give women paper dresses because in this country there is such a nudity taboo, even among women. And, that although I had no problem with examining her naked, my assistant would probably feel uncomfortable. She smiled and put the gown on.
Yes, I wanted her as a friend then.
I was sitting beside my husband in a 4 person room that we had entered the hospital on this particular round (many, many visits to the onc ward) and waiting to be sent to semi private. I was nervous and feeling very agitated and upset watching him and hoping he would soon feel well enough again.
There was an African family across the room. It was getting late and still members kept traipsing in and out to his bed.
I was wondering if it was bothering the other patients. Suddenly she (the wife, I guess) started chanting in a quiet and soft voice. It was the same verse again and again.
I thought now this is really different and I wonder when someone will tell her to be quiet. Several minutes passed and I began to feel the stress leaving my body and the "vibes" in the room changed as well. I have never felt so peaceful in any situation let alone in a hospital room. It kept on for an hour or more the same verse and words.
To this day I wish she would be here and chanting for me again! Just thought I would relate this to the forum.
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WONDERFUL
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