prayers

Mr. K died quietly last night in his sleep. he was supposed to go home to hospice today. arrangements were made. family was coming in to town. his wife had gotten to a place where she was "ready".

"I prayed, damnit!", she cried angrily. "I prayed we'd have one more week together. after everything we've been through, was that too much to ask?!" she is deeply wounded by what she sees as the final insult from an unforgiving enemy. i hug her and tell her i'm sorry. i'm so sorry.

and i am. but he had very few platelets and esophageal varices. if that means nothing to you, let me just say that his life could have ended with blood. a lot of it. blood the likes of which his family can't imagine and would not soon forget. instead his heart stopped while he slept. he shed no tears and not a drop of blood.

it was either Jesus or Garth Brooks, i can't remember which, who said that sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. i can't help but think they were all given a gift.

cancer is a beast. all too often one finds themselves praying for the lesser of two evils for their loved ones with no good choices left to hope for.

i suspect she is one of those who may call me in 3 or 6 months wanting to talk...looking for a few answers or a new perspective. if she opens that door, i'll tell her what i think.

for now, i'm not about to interrupt her raw state of grief with my perceived silver lining.
for now i'll just say i'm so sorry.