brave

i think it every day.
patients are so brave.
over and over i see them gritting their teeth, sucking up symptoms, taking risks for a potential benefit, fitting in treatments on their lunch hour, being patient with the phlebotomist who is having a bad day, returning to us...even though they know, at least in the short term, that it's going to hurt...that it has to get worse before it can get better.
but, somehow it's not the right word. it sounds cliche and insufficient. most patients would say they aren't brave - that they are just doing what they have to do. but it's how they do it all...with grace and focus.
it's all so scary sometimes. and they're brave. trust me. don't let them tell you otherwise.

sometimes doctors are brave too.
this one is one of my favorite species...the doctor/scientists. the ones who see patients but also run a lab... the ones who know what the most important paper is going to be this year...because they are writing it. the ones years ahead of the FDA in knowing what might work. the ones that often forego the enormous salaries of their peers, because their heart is in science...and science doesn't pay. the ones that, as a group over time, move the whole field ahead.

this one looked at a young guy whose options have run out
who has tried everything there is
who is going to die...soon
and he said, 'hey, my lab is working on something...we think it's going to work...it's nowhere near approval...i'm telling you this because it's what i would do'
and they throw up a medical hail mary.

and damned if it doesn't work.
today i looked at them, physician and patient, celebrating this most unexpected victory and felt grateful that they ended up together. another physician would have never had the knowledge to share. another physician might have covered his ass and not shared what he knew. another patient might have been too scared to try.
this patient was beaming today.
he told us today that he had canceled his trip to europe this summer, because he thought he'd be dead.
he isn't.

i felt like i was witnessing something great.
this doctor was brave...and may have saved a life.
who knows what will happen from here.
for now, though, this young guy is living and living well.
what else is there?