witness

dear doctor,

for what it's worth, i saw it all. i saw the dread in your eyes, and your chest deflate when those labs popped up on the screen. i saw you squeeze your fists together and gently rest your head on them. then i saw you psych yourself up with a sip of your coffee and a deep breath.

i saw you wince at the hope and lightheartedness in the room when we walked in. i saw you greet them and eek out a smile. when you started talking, and he grabbed his wife's hand, i saw you pull on your collar with one finger tip, like someone had just cranked your tie tighter. i saw your foot, that ususally circles calmly while you talk, swinging sharply back and forth.

i watched you dig for the right words. when they didn't come, i saw you slide your chair closer, put your hand on his knee - and then hers. we all heard you say, 'we're not through fighting this". i saw them exhale for the first time - probably more from your hands than your words. i saw them sift through fear and devastation and gratitude for your care - leaving them with a morsel of hope to nourish them through this next phase.

i watched you leave and return to your desk. when i put my hand on your shoulder, i felt it sink and saw your chin fall to your chest for just a second.

then, like a prize fighter, i saw you roll your shoulders back, pull once more on your collar, pick up the phone and dictate your note.

one down, twelve to go.
it's going to be a long day.

for what it's worth, it's so important what you do. and you do it well.

thanks.
and peace.